My father, the great educator in my book, always used to say that a child's personality is formed by the time he/she is five years old. If that is the case, then we're in trouble. And I feel as if I'm the cause.
Let me vent. Our dear firstborn, Cady, can be sweet and so very helpful. Her temperament is can turn on a dime, however and she gets what we refer to as her "angry face." She tries me beyond anything I've ever experienced before. I pledge daily to myself and to God that I will be patient and loving, yet many days Cady pushes me (and pushes me and pushes me) to where I "lose it", sometimes before we're even out the door in the morning. Hair brushing is never good.
I want so badly to be consistent and calm and patient. I try. I really do. Really, really. But I feel as though the times that I have failed in that department have molded Cady into a sometimes angry, sometimes sad little girl and it breaks my heart. But when I see her treat her sister unkindly ... ooo, I get so mad. And pre-school? Not a fan sometimes. It's made her grow up faster than I'd like. Coming home with words like "Booty" and "boyfriend".
How can I teach my little girl to be kind and compassionate when I'm imperfect? I feel like Cady just remembers my outbursts and follows suit, instead of noting the rest of the time when I think I'm a pretty good mom.
And I guarantee that, in black and white, this does not sound like that big of a problem but if you could see the face, the stomping from the room, see how quickly she gets angry and frustrated, hear the "I hate homework", you'd understand why I tear up as I write this.
6 comments:
I do NOT look forward to those moments. I'm sure I gave my mom a run for her money, too. I can only thank her now for not strangling me when I was rude to her.
I can only say, however, that even though I don't know you super well, I know one thing--you are a wonderful person and I'm sure you are a good mom. Consistency is hard but I admire you for pressing on with it.
Hang in there girl! I KNOW you're a great mom and it's not easy. She's just trying to see what you're made of...you show her!
I think the reason we have children is to test every ounce of patience we thought we had.
Jen,
This is a wonderful post. It's our imperfections that make us human and that fact that you wake up each day trying to be better that makes you such a terrific mom. Believe me, I know what you are going through. I've told you about our struggles with Trey. The tough days seem to outweigh the great days but there is no way our children don't know how much we love them or that we want to be the best parents possible.
Love ya,
Creedence
I think kids are here to teach us, too. We are the parents and should be in control 24/7 but we are also human, with a big load to carry. Perseverance and prayer, my friend, perseverance and prayer.
Hey Jen! So...I was not the Erin that wrote the comment on your blog! I can tell you though, that it's not just mother's and their daughters because Stevie has made me 'freak out' on frequent occasions. I feel really sad when I yell at him, it's just hard b/c it seems to be over the same things almost everyday. (My mom was such a kind and gentle mother, sometimes I feel like a failure!) The greatest thing that we can show them is how much that we love them (not effective during a 'freak out'...lol). Growing up w/ my dad was hard, but my mom said she loved me so much that I knew that there was something to hold on to, even during my hardest times of depression. You are such a great person, Jen, and such a great friend, I'm sure that you are a better mother than you think. You've have a lot on your plate and we live in very stressful times, hang in there! Love you!
Jen, I could leave a list of times I have flown off the handle with Journey, and list even more times that she has thrown herself on the floor, kicked, screamed, thrown things around the room, almost made me wreck, etc...those truly are teaching moments and experiences. People can give you advice on "time-outs", etc. (which tend to work for us with Journey..temporarily), but ultimately, I think every child just has phases. Some may last YEARS, but I think as they mature and continue to see as much of a consistent example from parents as possible (this is the tricky part), they will learn. Then again, look how Joe turned out..hmm..I rescind all comments..lol. JK!
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